This week has brought a few break-through's. I've sorted through the good and the bad and what's left is a clearer, more rational view of, well, everything. After being stuck for so long, I'm finally willing and ready to go for it - it being recovery, it being a brighter future, it being happiness and light and love. And that's exciting! It's such a positive, endearing step for me, one I am sure to keep up with. I am looking forward to making the most of everything; staying positive when my mind was crumbling has always been difficult for me - it is for anyone. I believe that healing takes time, and if it takes 3+ years to figure out that I don't really want to spend my time hiding away and sheltering myself from opportunities, and being completely miserable, then so be it. I've learnt so much. And in a way I am thankful, because I think that when anyone goes through something really sucky, you always come out the other side stronger, tougher, more resilient, and, I think, overall, a better person. Your attitude changes. Your life changes - and that's not always a bad thing. And although change, when it first enters your life, is often daunting and scary, and kind of makes you want to drop everything and crawl into bed and never see the light of day again...it forces you to re-evaluate your current situation. Maybe something has been off, and this is the universe trying to get you back on the right path. Maybe that sounds like absolute crap, but that's how I'm going to look at it. If I hadn't have experienced these mental illnesses, what would I be like now? I think I would be less aware of almost everything, I would be more dependent, I would be less educated. I have really narrowed down what's actually important to me and what's not, and that has been one of the biggest, most rewarding steps in my life - at least since three and a half years ago. I've narrowed down what I want out of my life - I know I probably sound naive, but I believe I now have the strength to tackle anything that comes my way. I am not so afraid anymore. And of course, this doesn't mean that I have 'cured' myself, not within a week or two, it just means, to me, that I am finally doing something to truly help myself, to help my future. And that makes me feel all warm inside.
I wouldn't say that I am so much a 'positive' person as I am realistic, but I'm pushing the negativity out of my system - something that has been embedded within me for a while now. I think that realism solves problems. Realism offers you advice and comfort, but at the same time keeps your head from floating up into the clouds. That's what I need - stability, no messing about, just give me what I need and I will do something with it, I will try my hardest to turn it into something wonderful.
I am taking more time out for myself, being sure to nourish my body, my mind, and my soul, with things like nutritious food, plenty of yoga, and bits of pieces of things that make me feel good, be it yoga, reading, watching my favourite movies, getting some fresh air, letting the sun kiss my skin, or spending time alone, or with people who truly brighten my spirits. It's refreshing.
I am getting on the right track. I've been swaying all over the place for far too long; it's wonderful to think that I'm not so scared of re-adjustment, if you'd like, and not so cautious of what's ahead of me. Let it happen. Let it fall into your world, but don't let it defeat you. Allow yourself time, allow yourself nourishment, and most importantly, allow yourself happiness.
Green Soup
Ingredients
Oil of choice (I used extra virgin coconut)
Leek
Broccoli
Zucchini
Kale
Sweet potato, skin on
Garlic
Vegetable stock, salt reduced
Pink salt and pepper, to taste
Optional add-in's: other veggies (baby spinach, avocado, peas, watercress - whatever you like), chilli, a squeeze of lemon juice, etc.
Chop all the veggies into a dice. Heat the oil in a pot over a low-medium heat; saute the leek until soft, but not overly coloured. Add in the garlic and cook off for a few minutes (be careful not to have the heat too high - you don't want burnt garlic!). Throw in the rest of the veggies and saute for about five minutes. Add the vegetable stock until it is just covering the veggies; season to taste. Turn the heat up slightly and let the veggies simmer until the sweet potato has cooked - this won't take very long at all. Turn off the heat, pour the mixture into a blender (or alternatively, use a stick blender) and blitz until fairly smooth. I like this soup with a little texture, but blitz as much as you desire. Serve hot or chilled with a chuck of warm sourdough - so good. Enjoy!